


Lights

by DontGetTooCloseItsDarkInside



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Depressed Levi, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Levi, M/M, Self Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-17 15:41:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1393171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontGetTooCloseItsDarkInside/pseuds/DontGetTooCloseItsDarkInside
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren knows his boyfriend suffers from depression and has some major self-esteem issues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lights

**Author's Note:**

> *shrugs* so i just started writing and this little thing came out, hope its decent.
> 
>  
> 
> Happy Birthday Jaeger, love you baby.
> 
>  
> 
> *whispers* so does Levi

“Hey there gorgeous!”

The small figure that it’s directed at startled slightly against the wall he was leaning against, and Eren laughs a little as Levi pulls back his baggy black sweatshirt to peer up at him with silvery gray eyes. He loves those eyes, he can’t think of a single thing that was more beautiful than them.

“Shut it, stupid.” Levi says with frown like he always did and began to walk off campus, Eren quickly caught up with him, opening up the umbrella to shield them from the drizzle and grabbing Levi’s small hand in his, he watches Levi as they cross the street to the parking lot to grab Eren’s car so they can go to lunch, swinging their hands back and forth

"Hey Levi?" he says suddenly.

"Yes Eren?" Levi replies in a bored voice.

"You look handsome in the rain."

Levi gives him an annoyed look. "That's a dumb thing to say." and then he speeds up his pace to get to the car quicker, letting go of Eren's hand.

Eren stands there for a moment in the rain, the water batting against his frog umbrella, and he lets out a sad sigh.  
......

Levi makes him turn off the lights in his dorm when they have sex. He refuses to take even his sweater off until Eren walks around the room, turning off switches and lamps and Armin's lava lamp. Once he had even made Eren turn off the alarm clock, claiming it lit up the room too much. When their standing in the darkness across the room from each other Levi tells him to stay there and close his eyes and Eren does.

He strips his clothes off quickly and then jumps under the covers before he tells Eren in a soft, shaking voice that he can come to bed now. By that time, Eren is half flaccid. And not because he's put off by the lack of light or having to weight, he's put off because he's sad. He's sad that Levi isn't comfortable with showing him his body.

"I love you." Levi will whisper when they're finished, Eren lies on top of him, panting. "Maybe....maybe next time." He always says that. Maybe next time he'll let Eren keep the lights on. He never follows through but Eren can’t find it in himself to be angry, so he just kisses Levi's warm cheeks and whispers. "I love you too,"  
......

"What are you wearing?" Eren asks in surprise, biting back a giggle as he walks out of the music building, guitar slung across his back. Today Levi's waiting for him on a bench and the sun is shining high and bright over them, he's wearing a baggy green sweatshirt, tight white pants, and blue rain boots with cartooned raindrops and clouds on them.

Levi clicks the top of his feet together, then his heels like Dorothy from the wizard of Oz. "Rain boots." he shrugs and looks up at Eren nervously. "Do you not like them?"

For a moment Eren isn't sure what he thinks, all he knows is that he's wearing rain boots, and it’s not raining. Hell when it was raining he was pretty sure Levi was wearing flip flops.

"I love them." he answers, taking that small hand in his again.

Levi beams up at him.  
......

Eren's at a party where ninety percent of his friends are also attending, and Hanji comes up to him and slaps him so hard he pretty sure he had whiplash for at least a week after that. "What did you do to my best friend?" the girl demands, looking ready to strike him again.

Eren side steps her quickly and then scans the room for Levi, not finding him anywhere. "Where'd he go?"

"He saw you flirting with that girl and left!" Hanji nearly screeches, Jean clamps his hands over his ears and winces, leaning into Armin who wraps his small arms around him with a light blush and a pleased smile.

"What girl?" Eren asks in confusion, because he's pretty sure he's been talking to Jean and Armin for the last hour at least. Levi was just at his side not ten minutes ago, curled into his side, an arm around Eren's waist.

"That one." Hanji points across the room to a girl with a small skirt and pretty eyes. Oh. 

"I didn't....I didn't say anything to her!" he says defensively. "She asked me to dance and I said no."

"Well its pouring rain out and Levi's walking home." Hanji gestures to the door and Eren screams a curse and slams down his drink, startling about ten people and then runs out of the apartment were the party was being held, leaving his coat and the frog umbrella Levi gave him for Easter back inside someone’s room with all the other coats.

He sees his small boyfriend walking up ahead, turned in on himself as he fights against the heavy winds. Eren runs down the street after him, his sneakers soaking threw, almost slipping a few times. 

"Levi! Hey, Levi!" he calls against the howling wind, and Levi, thankfully, stops up ahead, waiting for Eren to catch up, when he does he tilts his head up to look at Eren and he looks depressed and tired despite the rain, which usually makes Levi happy. "Why'd you leave?" He asks, even though he guesses he knows why.

Levi decided to just shrug. "It was lame. Wanna go to my place and watch Criminal Minds? My roommate isn't there."

Eren doesn't even hesitate. "Of course." before they start walking he takes off his sweatshirt and puts it over Levi's, receiving a glare in reply, he ignores it and walks with him up the street back to the dorms.

Levi's wearing flip flops.  
....

"You know what I hate?" Levi asks him one afternoon when their hanging out in his and Armin's dorm. Their eating Cheetos and once frozen breakfast burritos even though it’s four pm and Eren's supposed to be writing an essay.

That's a hard answer; Levi hates a lot of things. Dogs, businessmen, Law and Order, Soy Milk, cracks in the side walk, dirt, and people....the list can go on forever really.

"Um...flowers?" He guesses, leaning back in his chair to look at Levi who's sitting on his bed. 

Levi looks at him seriously. "Only tulips and roses." his tone is solemn. "No, I hate when people smile all the time. What’s there to be so happy about? The world sucks, I mean what’s wrong with you?"

Eren shrugs. "I smile a lot."

"Because you’re stupid." Levi says seriously, and Eren smiles, which makes Levi narrow his eyes.

Eren smile then falls and he looks at Levi sadly. "Don’t I make you happy?"

Levi looks up at him, surprised. He slowly puts down his laptop and walks over to Eren, sitting in his lap and wrapping his arms around his neck. He kisses Eren's temple and puts his cheek on top of messy brown locks. He sighs.

"You’re the only person who's ever made me happy, Eren."

Eren's eyes burn a little, but he ignores it and wraps his arms around Levi's waist, mouthing a 'I love you' into the soft material of Levi's blue shirt that he's borrowing from him.

......

Eren knows his boyfriend suffers from depression and has some major self-esteem issues. It would be hard not to know, considering the fact that when he first met him it was in a pharmacy a block away from campus a week before freshman year began. Levi had stood there in a gray beanie and a loose black sweater even though it was ninety degrees out, quietly standing by a tall women yelling at the pharmacist about her sons medication in a heavy French accent.

All he could make out were the words 'depression medication' 'are you an idiot' and 'my son needs this or he'll lose it again.' Levi had cringed a little and turned away from his angry mother, coming face to face with Eren, who was wearing some basketball shorts and a snap back, holding a Gatorade in one hand and a jar of wood polish in the other, waiting to pick up his moms cold medicine. Levi had startled, his pretty eyes widening and then had called Eren a stupid brat for standing so closely behind him.

Eren loved him instantly.

He figured out the self-esteem problem pretty quickly as well. It took Eren almost half of the school year to convince Levi that he actually did want to date him and no it wasn't some stupid prank and yes he really did think he was cute and yes he did like Levi's shitty shit jokes.

Eren's never minded really, he just gets sad sometimes. He tries to help Levi with his depression as best as he can, even though he doesn't really understand. And he tells Levi's he's smart and beautiful and hilarious all the time, he knows that won’t take away the self-esteem issues overnight but he really hopes that they help him, even just a little bit. Just a little bit, and he'll be happy.

Eren also knows Levi was suicidal threw all of middle school and most of high school, even though he never cut himself or attempted too he always thought about it. He told Eren once in a lustful afterglow and a thunder storm that he used to fantasize how he would do it, and what people might say after he was dead. Eren often wonders if that should have crept him out. It doesn't. Instead it just makes him really sad and he holds Levi and he cries and he begs Levi to never hurt himself because he wouldn't know what to do without him.

Levi promises him he won’t, as long as Eren stays with him.

Eren promises he'll always stay.  
.....

"For the last fucking time don’t look at me."

Eren groans and puts down the chicken noodle soup he brought over from across campus. It’s just Campbell s, because he can’t cook for shit, but Levi likes the way he boils up canned soup.

"Levi, it’s just a cold come on, babe."

"No." 

Levi's hiding under a mountain of blankets, his voice stuffy and thick. 

"Is it really that bad?" Eren asks, taking a seat at the end of the bed. Levi kicks his hip sharply and rolled over with an angry growl. 

"I. look. like. shit." Levi says, and then sneezed loudly, a little hand poked out of the blankets and grabbed at the end tissue box on the bedside table; he heard another sneeze and then watched as the wobbed up cotton fell to the floor.

"You don’t look like shit."

"Eren, shut the fuck up, it’s not the right time for one of you "Levi you’re so good looking" rants. It’s all just bullshit so just leave, alright?" 

Eren stares at the bundle of blankets. "It’s not bullshit. I really do think your beautiful, Levi."

Levi snorts from under his covers. "Whatever."

The brunet was quiet for a long moment and then suddenly reached up and tugged off the layers and layers of blankets until he was staring at a shocked Levi. The young man was pasty white and little clammy looking, his nose was red and his cheeks were pink and his lips were chapped.

"Aw." Eren cooes. "Lee you look cute."

"Ever call me Lee again and I'll chop off your balls." Levi says seriously, he sniffled and tugged back up the blankets. "My temp is 103."

"And you still look adorable."

"Shut up asshole."

Eren didn't know that Levi was blushing happily under the covers.   
....  
Levi was a sophomore when he got his undercut.

Til this day Eren doesn't exactly know the details off what a bunch of girls said to him to make him too it, all he knew was that it was some pretty mean shit and one of them had been a mean girl that Levi had gone to school with since second grade.

He does know, however, how fast he ran when he got the text from Levi that he was "cutting off all my hair to spite those whores," When he came crashing through Levi's door he was sitting in the bathroom and setting up his roommates razor. He took one look at Eren and then swiftly cut up on the back of his head.

After scolding him for a good twenty minutes Eren helps Levi do the rest of the underside of his hair to give him a rather messy undercut. After that, Levi decided he likes it, but only if Eren did it for him.  
.....  
When Levi was a junior he got off his anti-depressants. He didn't say anything to Eren about it but he noticed within a day or two when Levi didn't pop on of his pills during lunch like he always did.

"Did you run out of your medicine?" Eren asks with a frown, he was worried that Levi had been taking more then was prescribed to him. It had happened once, for about three months, and it took both Hanji and Eren to get him to go back to his proper dose, and that was with several threats to call the doctor.

"No." Levi pauses and put his sandwich down; he avoided Eren's teal eyes for a moment and took a sip of his Coke. "I got off of it."

They sat in silence for a few moments, Eren staring at Levi with wonder and Levi avoiding those beautiful eyes at all cost, sipping away at his drink quietly and munching on his lunch. It was interrupted by Eren getting up and rounding the table to wrap his arms around Levi waist. "I'm so proud of you." he whispered in his ear tenderly.

Levi blinks, and the wraps his arms around Eren's neck, fighting off the emotion that rose up in his throat and made his eyes burn. No one had said anything like that when it came to his depression before, it was always 'glad to see your medication is doing well Levi' or 'well you aren't as bad as you were, so the medication must be doing its job.' it was always about the little white caplets he took twice a day. Never about him, never about how he felt.

Eren was different though, Eren was always there for him when he needed him, Eren always saw Levi as Levi before he ever saw his depression, before his insecurities. And he loved him more the words could say for that.

"Thank you." he choked out.

He wishes he could tell Eren that he was the reason Levi didn't need them anymore, he was still depressed, yes, but now Eren was what gave him strength to battle threw. Sadly, he found he couldn't form the words, but he could tell that somehow, Eren knew.  
......

"Hey Eren?" 

Eren perked up from where he was slaving over some textbooks and looked at Levi, who was spread out on Eren's bed in one of his big sweatshirts. "Yeah, babe?"

"Don't call me babe." Levi paused as Eren chuckled. "You've been at that for a while, its already dark out."

Eren nods, waiting patiently for Levi to get to point he was trying to make. 

"So I think maybe you should put it away and come over here for a little while."

Eren blinks at him, then grinned excitedly . "Sexy time?"

Levi rolls his eyes. "Dumb ass, who calls sex sexy time? But yes, sexy time, come here." 

Eren tips half of the books on his desk off he got up so bad, leaving them as they were, he locks the door so Armin wouldn’t be scarred for life and then went to turn off the light.

"Eren?"

Eren looks up at him. "Yeah?"

"...leave the light on."


End file.
